Bunny vs. The Christmas Tree

This year is The Bunny's first Christmas. Now, if you know anything about rabbits, you know that nothing gets past their ever vigilant sight. Every new item in The Bunny's path and within his little bunny reach is examined thoroughly, and relocated if it's location is not acceptable to him.

This year we had nowhere to put our Christmas tree except The Bunny's play corner. We moved all his boxes and chew toys and put up the tree in their place. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that The Christmas Tree and it's location have not received his bunny stamp of approval. He made this well known by stomping his back foot in annoyance, nudging me all over with his nose, and pushing around the tree branches. Unfortunately for him, his protests did not stop The Christmas Tree from occupying his corner.

After I finished decorating The Christmas Tree, I pushed it back into The Bunny's corner and put the tree skirt around it. Then came The Bunny to further inspect The Christmas Tree. He hopped all over the tree skirt, nibbled it a bit, zoomed in circles around the tree, then body-slammed it! Try as he may, Bunny can't seem to re-claim his corner. Illustrated below is one possible outcome for the battle between The Bunny and The Christmas Tree...

Unless The Bunny has some tricks up his sleeve, I think The Christmas Tree is going to win this one.

The Happy Horn

Several times I have been stuck behind a car sitting at a green light who isn't paying attention and, being that I have no interest in waiting until the next green light, I kindly honk my horn as a friendly reminder to them to GO. As you can well imagine, for I am sure we have all had this experience, my kind gesture is always followed by an un-kind gesture. For heaven's sake! THEY were the ones camping out at the green light!

One time I was driving and straight in front of me was a man riding his bike directly toward me in my lane. I had nowhere to go to dodge him, so I honked my horn as if to say, "I'm gonna hit you if you don't move!" And what does he do? Flips me off! HE was the idiot coming at me in MY lane like he never heard of a sidewalk! I could have run him over, yet somehow he felt I was deserving of a glimpse of his raised middle finger. I have never understood the source of these inappropriate gestures until now.

As most of you know, our Jetta gave up the ghost last week and left us with a mountain of debt. We traded it in for a nearly-new, base model Mazda 3. I knew I would miss our power mirrors, cruise control, heated seats, power locks, and even air conditioning, but keeping in mind that we had to roll over our debt from our deceased Jetta on to our new loan, we had to start small. For a sticker price of only ten thousand dollars, those features were a sacrifice we were willing to make. Besides, the car is black inside and out. How could we say no?

The day after we got our "new" Mazda 3, we witnessed a lady back into the bumper of our car and take off! I was angry. Later that day, I found myself stuck behind a car sitting at a green light as usual. I had not yet tested out my new car's horn, so I thought it was an appropriate time to do so. TOOT! My car let out a peculiarly quiet, particularly high-pitched, one-tone toot. It sounded much more like something you would hear coming from an ice cream truck rather than a honk from a car. I was expecting the typical rude response, only to behold a friendly wave as they drove across the intersection! I smiled with contentment and my anger from my car getting hit earlier was greatly diminished; I had found the answer to my driving frustrations:

Loud, piercing, obnoxious horn installed in most cars and trucks + test subject = angry response from test subject such as middle finger in the air and/or dispense of vulgar phrases.

Mazda 3 horn + test subject = the spread of happiness throughout the world.

I smile and laugh every time I toot my horn and try to find as many opportunities as possible to do so. Unfortunately, Art doesn't share my adoration of our new horn and I guess I can't entirely blame him. In the instance that you wanted to angrily honk at someone who had cut you off, the tiny toot of our horn wouldn't quite get the message across. Perhaps in the future cars will come equipped with 2 horns- a happy horn, and an angry horn. Then we'll be prepared for whatever driving obstacles come our way, but in the meantime… I am quite content with my happy horn.

Bunny vs. The Broom

The Bunny's first birthday is nearly upon us and I think I have finally begun to have an understanding of our Bunny and what goes on in his furry head. When Bunny first began exploring our house, he came to the conclusion that he was the boss and that I was his lady. He made this very clear by growling at Art and running circles around my feet every time I entered the room. Over time Bunny developed a little more respect for Art, but not much more for me (probably has something to do with the male domination attitude). So although Bunny has come to understand that he is second in command to Art, he walks all over me!

For example, let's say The Bunny is munching the baseboard (as he often does) and I yell "NO!" and clap my hands at him- he will glare at me then turn back around and resume the munching. This cycle will continue until I physically scoot him from his trouble making area. If Art so much as snaps his fingers at The Bunny, he instantly appears in his cage!

Let's say The Bunny is under the couch digging the carpet- I can yell and yell at him and hit the couch and he just ignores me. So then I have to go get the broom and scoot his little butt out of there, then he will run to his cage, but then he realizes it's only me holding the broom and not Art so five minutes later he is back under the couch. Most of the time Art can tell The Bunny to get out from under the couch and he will, if not all he has to do is TOUCH the broom and The Bunny runs to his cage!

Thus you see that it is obvious that there are only 2 people in my house that The Bunny has any respect for... Art and The Broom. He just uses me for a good petting as he sees fit.

Well this morning, after being scooted out from under the couch three times, Bunny decided he was fed up with The Broom who had dominion over him this past year. The Broom foiled every adventure beneath the couch and bed and there was only one way to re-claim his freedom... to FIGHT.

It is not a well known fact that rabbits have formidable ninja skills, but I assure you they do. The Bunny let out a deep growl and lunged at the broom with every bit of momentum he could muster with his tiny two-pound body. The Broom struck back only to be met with fiercly flailing claws and sharp teeth! Growling all the while, Bunny fought The Broom and refused to give in. Unfortunately, The Broom managed to corner Bunny in his cage with no chance to espace and his angry growls could not keep The Broom from closing the gate on him.

Perhaps The Broom got the best of him this time, but I'm sure this will not be The Bunny's last fight for freedom.

Conception Complexities

When Baby Cakes and I decided it was out time to multiply and replenish the earth, I thought getting pregnant was going to be a piece of cake. Now I realize this conception business is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be!

Being the natural planner that I am, I immediately began my online research of everything I needed to know about getting knocked up and I couldn't understand anything I was reading- it's all in code! TTC- trying to conceive, AF- Aunt Flow (period), HPT- home pregnancy test, BFP- big fat positive (on your HPT), DPO- days past ovulation, CM- cervical mucus. The list goes on! Not only do you need to know the code, but evidently you need lots of "baby dust". Where on earth can you buy baby dust???

I felt a little better after I got a fair handle on the new language until I realized how many factors and circumstances you have to coordinate to make this magical conception happen... alignment of the planets, moon phase, ocean tides, weather conditions, bad hair days, good hair days, the stock market, interest rates, UFO sightings, and ovulation.

Then there are the side effects of stopping birth control, allergy medicine, and anti-inflammatory drugs. I am pimple faced and moody, sneezing my head off, covered in hives, and can't open my mouth. No wonder I'm not turning up pregnant- Baby Cakes doesn't want to come within 20 feet of me!

And what is is about pregnancy tests that makes you start your period? If word got out about that, Trojan would be out of business!

It's a wonder how any baby can be an "accident" with all of the odds against you. It's kinda like winning the lottery! I've been buying my tickets for 6 months and counting, but I guess God gives some of us a test of patience while we are waiting for our number to be drawn!

The Finer Things in Life

Summer is upon us and you don't need a thermometer at my house to notice- just take one look at my bunny and there is no mistaking it. He is shedding his winter under coat in clumps and masses at a time! Poor guy looks like he woke up on the wrong side of the hutch every day! At first I thought the fur would work its way out on its own, but I was mistaken. It just kept building up and gave him quite a scruffy appearance.

I couldn't just let him go around looking like a bum- one look in his ground level mirror and he knew he wasn't looking so hot. It was starting to wear down his morale- I mean, just when I thought he had graduated from BCA (Baseboard Chewers Anonymous) he had a relapse! So I started plucking out the little tufts of shedded fur a little bit at a time, because he would only tolerate the plucking a little bit at a time. Every day I would make a litle progress then the next day he would look just as bad as (if not worse than) the day before.

Now, if you know anything about rabbits, you know that they aren't all cuddles and fluff. They don't much care to be petted or held and consist mostly of needle point claws and razor sharp teeth. My Bunny especially doesn't like being touched in the facial or hind end regions where much of the shedding accumulates. You can see how this could complicate my progress in removing his shedded fur. Nevertheless, I persistently pursued my endeavor and Bunny became more tolerant of my plucking and petting by the day. Maybe he just looked forward to the pineapple juice he got to drink to prevent hairballs.

Something else you may not know is that cats aren't the only animals that can purr. Believe it or not, rabbits can purr too. The difference is that cats purr through vibrations in their larynx and rabbits purr by clicking of their teeth. Rabbits don't make noise very often, but they are capable of purring, humming or "droning", growling (especially at Art), and screaming (glad my bunny has never done that). Keeping in mind that rabbits aren't naturally fond of human affection, it is easy to understand the difficulty in getting a rabbit to purr.

Tonight as I was plucking out my Bunny's loose fur, he seemed particularly more patient than he has been this week and when I had just about pulled a spare bunny's coat of fur off of him he layed down and looked rather content. That's when I thought "I wonder if he will let me scratch his ears." I put my finger behind his little cat-like ears and started to rub and he was instantly tamed like Daniel's lions! He put his head down on the ground while I rubbed all over his face and ears and then I heard it... a little bunny purr!

It seems my little guy has come to appreciate some of the finer things in life- pineapple juice and a good ear rubbin'. Lucky for me I have a rabbit to teach me that the best things in life are simple but precious.

They said it couldn't be done.

Many rabbit owners confine their rabbits to cages, because until recently rabbits have been classified as unintelligent, un-trainable pets. This makes it very difficult to find information about rabbits beyond their basic needs. In my rabbit studies I have found several articles about how to litter train your rabbit, but I have yet to find any information on how to train them to do any other things. My Bunny has been entirely potty trained since day one! What I want to know is how do you go about teaching them to do things like play games, do tricks, and come when called? Maybe he could even cook dinner, pick up after himself, and do the dishes every once in a while! Oh wait, now I'm talking about my husband. Is training a rabbit (or a husband) anything like training a dog? Without the answers to these questions, I have still been determined to teach the men in my house a thing or two.

My foremost favorite pet is my Bunny, and my second favorite is my mom's Pomeranian, Zoe. She is quite a talented little fluff ball. She can do a myriad of tricks, she comes when called (most the time), and when you tell her it's bed time she goes right upstairs to bed. Art's belief is that our Bunny is nothing more than an A.D.D. afflicted lunatic with a lousy memory span, but I personally don't have any reason to believe that my Bunny would be incapable of learning just as much as Zoe can. Maybe my Bunny can't "speak" like Zoe, but I am certain that with his amazing balance, agility, stamina, observation skills, escape artist abilities, and dashing good looks, he can outperform Zoe in some other way. So with Zoe as an example and my confidence in my Bunny ripened, I began my training feats.

TRAINING SESSION ONE: In an attempt to teach our Bunny to be more people-friendly I wanted to train him to hop up on the couch when you call him. It didn't take much coaxing at all and up he came! I tried it again the next day and he hopped right up without hesitation.

TRAINING SESSION TWO: Sometimes it can be quite a task to get the Bunny to go back in his play pen when it's his bed time so I thought, "Well, Zoe can do it so my bunny can too."

It is a well known fact that Bunny will do just about anything for a treat. The only time he willingly got on my lap with all fours was in an attempt to snatch a tasty banana chip from my grasp. So I got a banana chip ready and held it just inside his cage and called "Bed time, Bunny!" and he came running in his cage for the treat and I closed the door. At this point he was not fully trained, but he was beginning to understand the concept.

Last night I told Art about the things I was trying to teach the Bunny and he was quite skeptical that I would have any success; especially in teaching the Bunny "bed time". Just then, I turned to the Bunny and said, "Bed time, Bunny!" and he came running straight to his cage. Art could hardly believe it. Heck, even I had my doubts that he would actually go in his cage!

I know our training ventures have merely begun, but one thing is for certain: They said it couldn't be done, but my little guy did it!

Fortune Cookie Say: Change Your Mind

Yesterday my entire day was AGGRAVATING in every way. It was such an aggravating day, in fact, that it would take a very long time to explain every bit of it so I will just get to the point (which is long enough in and of itself).

When I got home from work yesterday, needless to say, I was very flustered. What better thing for a woman to do when they're upset than to clean? So I started cleaning out my purse and wallet, both of which had accumulated a lot of trash and spare change. Then, I decided that Panda Express would make all my problems go away. My jaw has been locked- nearly closed- for the past 4 days and I figured I could fit some Panda Express through the small gap I can open my mouth. Determined to find a Panda Express closer to my house than the River Park location, I got on Map Quest and pulled up a list. It said that there was one about a mile and a half from my house, but never in my passings through this area had I ever beheld such a Panda Express. So I figured I would drive by and see if it existed, and if not I would go to the one I had seen way out north on Willow. Sure enough, the Panda by my house was only a tall tale so I drove out to the other one which turned out being way farther than I remembered. It was on Willow and Nees. I grabbed my purse to go inside and noticed it felt rather light weight. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks; I had left my wallet on the kitchen table. I hadn't a dime to my name. Despair then filled my soul and I yelled, "ALL I WANT IS SOME PANDA!"

I drove all the way back home and reported my misfortune to Baby Cakes. He then suggested that we go to the Panda by Manchester since Map Quest said it was one of the top 3 closest locations. I got on 41 south from Ashlan, forgetting (as I often do) that Shields is the very next exit. I was in the middle lane, trapped between cars and missed my exit, the next one being McKinley. I was fed up by this point in time. All I wanted was some Panda Express to make my bad day go away and it was only creating more grief.

Shortly thereafter, we arrived at our destination and were finally able to partake of the goodness that is Panda. My enjoyment was suddenly cut short when I dropped a glob of mandarin sauce on my pants. Just when I thought my day could stoop no lower, it stooped. I finished my food and sat quietly in contemplation. What can I do to not let days like this get to me? Then, I reached for my fortune cookie, expecting nothing more than a tasty treat. I cracked it open and read my fortune, which was like a message from heaven as though God himself wrote it just for me: MODIFY YOUR THINKING TO HANDLE NEW SITUATIONS.

There it was; the answer that had been trying to manifest itself to me all day. I just happen to be so dense that God had to sneak it in my fortune cookie. Then a song came to mind, almost immediately, that expanded upon my fortune cookie's wisdom…

Sister Hazel- Change Your Mind

Hey, Hey
Did you ever think
There might be another way
To just feel better
Just feel better about today?

Oh no-
If you never want to have
To turn and go away
You might feel better
Might feel better if you stay

I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
CHANGE YOUR MIND