Concerns With Keira

Since Keira was born, I knew she was different than other kids. She has always been unable to hold still AT ALL and extremely stubborn, and has significant impulse control and transitional issues. Now I am 99.9% sure that Keira has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder runs in my family) and possibly ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) although she is a little to young to officially diagnose her. Honestly, I feel overwhelmed. Having grown up with a brother with ADHD I saw and know how much work it is to raise a child with that problem. It takes an outpouring of patience beyond what you think you can muster and they will always require more supervision and focused attention than a "normal" child. I know it's going to be very challenging to give equal attention to my girls and not make Keira feel like the "bad" one. Most days I feel like I am at my absolute limit of what I can handle as a mother, energy wise, patience wise, etc. Keira alone pushes me to the brink, and on top of that I have another baby to take care of. For these reasons, I am fairly certain that I don't want to have any more children. As much as I would love to, I know the limits of my capabilities, and I know the needs of my existing children and I don't want to put our family in the position that I can't give my kids what they need from me or put myself in a position that I am miserable because I have bitten off more than I can chew. I think about people who have like 10 kids and wonder how they can do it and think, well if they can do it I should be able too- right? But then logic kicks in and I know everyone is different, and everyone's kids are different. I literally can't take both girls in public without another adult to help or Keira will get herself lost or killed. She requires 100% attention in public and I can't give her 100% while I'm trying to take care of a baby too. I know Art really wants to try one more time for a boy, but he may just have to get used to being surrounded by girls.


In addition to the behavioral difficulties with Keira, I had a growing concern about her potty training. She showed a very early interest in using the toilet and by the time she was 2, she always pooped on the potty and always peed on the potty, but nearly never could keep her panties dry. I mean, for the past almost 2 years she has NEVER had a dry day. She would pee on the potty, but always had an area of dampness in her underwear. She easily wets up to 10 pairs of panties a day in this manner. A good day she may wet about 3 and that is extremely rare. She has also never been dry at night and goes to the bathroom quite frequently- as many as 14 times a day. She wears underwear during the day and pullups at night. For a long time I thought she must not be getting to the potty in time, and I would get mad at her for wetting her panties all day, but at some point I started to realize that she couldn't help it. She wanted to succeed, but couldn't. So a couple weeks ago, I asked her pediatrician about her potty habits again (last time I asked him was about a year ago and he believed her potty behavior to be habit and that she would get over it). This time he seemed concerned, particularly about the urinary leakage.

He referred us to the urology department at Children's Hospital and we took her to her appointment there this week. The news they told us was a little disconcerting. They told us she has what is called a neurogenic bladder- which is pretty much a bladder that isn't receiving the proper signals when it's full, how to empty completely, how often to go, how to hold in urine properly, etc. This could be caused by different things, so we have to do various testing to find out exactly what is going on with her. They scheduled a special x-ray of her bladder where they will give her anesthesia then insert a catheter into her bladder, inject a dye through the tube then x-ray her bladder to see it's shape, characteristics, and if any urine is backing up into the kidneys. They will also be doing an ultrasound of her kidneys. Then they will be doing an MRI of her brain and spinal column. The concern with her brain is how she is prone to fainting when she hits her head (she has even had a couple minor seizures when this has happened VERY SCARY!) and the concern with her spinal column is that when she was a baby, we found out she had a cyst on her lower spinal column that was causing her leg weakness. Since she started walking at 9 months old, we weren't worried about the cyst anymore and assumed it had gone away but now we are thinking that might not be the case since that cyst could also be causing her incontinence. If the cyst is still present, they will probably recommend that she have surgery to remove it- again SCARY! And there is no guarantee that it will solve her pee problems.

Needless to say, I am a nervous wreck. I can't wait for these tests to be done so we can get some answers about what's going on with her and I pray that we can fix her problems and that she won't live a lifetime with nervous system problems. I mean, what do we do when she starts kindergarten next year if she can't stay dry at school? I can't even fathom that, let alone the possibility of a lifetime of problems. I just want my little girl to be happy and healthy and as normal as possible. I am just overwhelmed with this situation and scared for her. Not to mention overwhelmed thinking about what kind of doctor bills we're going to be hit with since we have to pay 20% of all our medical bills. Not a good situation any way you look at it.

So, that's the honest truth about what's going on with Keira. I probably sound like a big complainer right now, so I'm going to try to redeem myself by saying Keira may be troublesome, but she is very bright, very funny, very loving, and a joy to have as a daughter. I couldn't possibly love her more. I just hope I have what it takes to be a good mom for her. Honestly, I feel underqualified at times.

I would certainly appreciate it if you could pray for Keira, pray for me, pray for our family every chance you get. We really need it right now. I will keep everyone informed as we get more information, which will probably be the beginning of September.

Catching Up

Wow there's so much to catch up on- where to begin? I guess I will just pick up where I left off last time, which was when "Sister" was 2 weeks old...

At the time, breastfeeding had been going really well (or so I thought). But at her 4 week checkup, she still hadn't made it back to her birth weight, which is not a good thing. She was only 10th percentile for weight. Dr. Jones had me start supplementing her with formula and at her next checkup she was doing much better. He told me that babies get the full benefit of breastfeeding by 8 weeks so I could stop at that point if I wanted to. I intended to keep breastfeeding, but since I was supplementing my milk supply started dropping rapidly so I ended up stopping after 8 weeks afterall. If you witnessed how frequently this baby eats, you would totally understand how I couldn't keep up with her. Even on formula now it is rare to get her to last 3 hours in between bottles. In the evening she picks up the pace to every hour and a half until about 10-11 pm then she sleeps until about 2-3 am then wakes up again around 6-7. A couple times a week she will sleep a good 6-8 hour stretch. Then in the morning, it's back to acting like she's starving all the time.

It took Keira quite a while to adjust to having a sister in the house. As much as she loves Sister to pieces, she had been acting out quite a bit. I had to call Grandma for reinforcements more than once. One of the biggest challenges was that Keira got the idea that she could- and had the right to- carry Sister across the room from one place to another and would do so the moment she thought she wasn't being watched. Thankfully she was very careful and never had an incident, but I started buckling the baby in the bouncer or swing at all times. Keira is capable of unbuckling both, but it at least slowed her down enough to get caught before she picked her up. Thankfully, she got over her desire to move her pretty quickly. Keira loves her baby sister so much. She is always kissing her "fuzzy head" and loves to lay next to her on the couch, and even shares her precious blankee with her. Everywhere we go, she has to tell every stranger she meets about Sister. She is always asking me to take her picture with Liana too. She is still the most difficult child you will ever encounter, but she isn't acting up beyond her norm anymore.

At 6 weeks old, on July 1st we had Liana blessed at church. Art was able to do the blessing this time, which was really special. I started crying the moment he started. It was beautiful. A couple days later, we all went to the 3rd of July fireworks show in Kerman, as is tradition in my family. Liana slept through the whole show and hardly flinched.

The following weekend, I decided it was time for a haircut for Keira and a new color for me. My mom came over and trimmed Keira's hair for the very first time. I call her my brown-haired Rapunzel, because she is only 3.5 and her hair is down to her butt. Then I had this idea that I wanted to do some golden highlights and some reddish lowlights in my hair, but the color I picked out for the lowlights looked absolutely terrible mixed in with my natural light-ash blonde hair. So I ended up deciding to just buy more of the lowlight color and color ALL of my hair that color. The result- very dark, very red auburn hair. I could hardly look at myself in the mirror for days, but after I got past the shock, I started to be ok with it, and now I kinda like it. The only thing I don't like is that my root color looks awful next to the auburn, so I either have to dye it frequently or adjust the color so it doesn't look so bad when my hair grows out.

The day of my hair color incident, Art's grandparents came from the Bay Area to meet Liana and their other new great-grandbaby, Art's sister Sophia's baby Elani. Elani was 2 weeks old and Liana was 8 weeks old. She looked like such a giant compared to newborn Elani.

On July 12th, Liana had her 2 month checkup. All of that eating paid off, because she tipped the scales at 11 lb 7 oz which is 75th percentile. We were actually getting concerned that she might be getting too chubby, but Dr. Jones assured us that she is quite normal. We're just not used to having a chubby baby. Keira was never over 50th percentile.

My sweet Liana is 11 weeks old now. I'll be going back to work in one more week, which is not really a big deal since I'm still only working 2 days a week for a grand total of 6 hours a week. I had really wanted to take a day trip to the coast while I was still on leave, so a few days ago we found a day when my mom and Art were both off work and packed up a picnic lunch and hit the road to Pismo for the day. We went to Dinosaur Caves park to have our lunch, which is this awesome Rotary kids' park that is literally right on a cliff on the side of the ocean. It has a beautiful view. We let Keira play there a while and she flew her kite with Art then we went down the road to the pier to go out on the beach. At 63 degrees, it was a bit chilly for our taste, especially when we were used to the 100+ degree weather in Fresno, but it was nice to be bundled up for a change instead of dying of heat stroke. We built a sandcastle and Keira played in the water for a couple minutes until she got too cold. Then she took a little nap on the beach with Daddy and Sister who snoozed the entire time. Art was worried she was comatose or something, but she was just having the best nap of her life.

After we were sufficiently freezing from our time on the beach, we headed back to the car and realized we were parked right in front of a restaurant I had read good reviews about online called Hoagies. We were all starving so we decided to give it a try, and we were glad we did. Art and I had tri-tip sandwiches and my mom had their specialty called the Pismo Wrap. It was very good. We'll definitely be returning there in the future. It was an awesome day except Art closed his thumb in the car door when we were leaving the park and it was locked so it took a few seconds to get his thumb out. It probably felt like an eternity to him. He REALLY messed up his thumbnail. The next day he had to go to urgent care and have it x-rayed and they poked a hole in the nail to let the blood come out. He will probably loose that nail eventually. Poor guy.

Liana is still just the best little baby I could ask for. She never cries and rarely fusses. Besides being a little Starvin Marvin, she is practically perfect. She is at my very favorite stage of baby development which is cooing and smiling. It just melts my heart when she talks to me in her little baby language. I absolutely love it.