Advice Givers and Vicarious Livers

My friend Lisa warned me that I shouldn’t tell people that I’m pregnant because it would result in a flood of unwelcome advice, but at the time I didn’t think it would bother me. The very same day I was eating at Taco Bell with my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book on the table next to me which immediately invoked an entire life story from a random old lady. Note to self: do not carry pregnancy books around.

It wasn’t long afterward that I announced to my office that I am expecting. It was surprising how quickly I came to regret this decision, mostly based on the criticism of one co-worker in particular who I often refer to as Tubby due to her excess weight and vertical insufficiency. This woman constantly criticizes everything I eat or do not eat and has no dam to her flow of ridiculous advice. To make things worse, she wishes she could have another baby and thus lives “vicariously” through me. That’s the most irritating combination of personalities conceivable- all bundled up in one tubby mass of a co-worker. It is very challenging to tolerate the advice givers and vicarious livers given the PMS-like irritability that often comes with pregnancy. Note to self: bite your tongue.

Tubby says, “Oh no, you can’t just have a tiny yogurt for breakfast any more. You have to eat a yogurt AND oatmeal AND a glass of milk AND…” Tubby says, “Krysta needs to eat THREE bowls of ice cream.” Tubby says, “You can’t get your nails done any more.” Tubby says, “Oh no, you can’t eat salt any more. You’ll retain water.” I told Tubby “I DON’T CARE.” One day I ate a sandwich and Wheat Thins for lunch and Tubby says, “WHEAT THINS!? Is that all you had for lunch???” I said, “Um NO.” Tubby replies, “Then what DID you have for lunch???” OMG… I don’t think I can put up with her through October. Then this morning I was drinking a bottle of water at my desk and Tubby says, “Oh! I thought you were drinking a soda for a second there.” I told her I had been drinking Sprite for breakfast a lot lately because it helps my stomach and she says, “Oh no, you shouldn’t be drinking soda. All that sugar isn’t good for the baby.” I have yet to figure out why she thinks it would be ok for me to stuff my face and eat three bowls of ice cream, but that a can of Sprite is bad for me. She eats fast food 3 times a day, but feels like she can tell me how to eat. Note to self: hire a hit man.

Consider yourself warned that no, I do not want your advice, and no, you are not allowed to live vicariously through me. Keep your mouth closed, have your own baby, or get over it! Of course, I mean that in the most loving way possible. Rest assured, I am reading books, seeing my doctor, taking my vitamins, taking care of myself, and even saying my prayers. If anything goes wrong (heaven forbid) I seriously doubt it will be due to my sodium intake, or the fact that I get my nails done. Note to self: next time take Lisa’s advice.

Changes

Happy week 11 to me! Let me tell you, this pregnancy business is very different than I thought it would be. I thought I would be throwing up and sick every day, but much to my surprise, I’m not. I am way more tired than I thought I would be too, but thankfully I can make it through the work day just in time to poop out on my poor husband. Thus, my house is way messier than I thought it would be as I use up all my energy making the messes and don't have the energy to clean up after the messes. This is Art's most common complaint. That, and the fact that all I want to eat is Mexican food. I am probably the most mess-makin'-stressed out-pooped out-nauseated-whining-complaining-happy-sad-grumpy-excited person you will come across for miles. It's simply amazing.

Art hasn't quite decided how to act around me and Bunny seems to have taken a toll for the worse. He has been the most ornery BAD bunny lately. The moment he gets out of his cage, he heads straight for trouble and ends up back in his cage within 5 minutes of his release. He doesn't go quietly either, he growls and fights all the way there. My confidence in his ability to share possession of the living room floor is dwindling.

We are actively looking for a 2 bedroom apartment and still trying to figure out how we're going to make it without my full income. This is a very exciting and stressful time in our lives and I know that we have only begun experiencing the first changes of many to come. With God's assistance, hopefully we can all learn to adapt to our ever changing life.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Heart

Today I saw my baby for the first time and although it was not much more than a bean shaped blob, it was my bean shaped blob, and it was love at first sight. And right in the middle you could see the little heart beating, twinkling black and white.

At this point there are not many physical indications of the tiny life inside of me, besides my sore boobs and exhaustion, so it was fun to see that there is in fact a little being in there. The doctor measured the baby at 6 weeks and 4 days, although by the calendar I am 8 weeks today. It's possible that the baby is just "small for it's age", but my estimated due date is October 24th.

On Valentine's Day, I stayed home from work because I was sick with a cold. I had been trying to get pregnant for the past 10 months and had taken many pregnancy tests in my haste, all of which were negative. I wanted to know if it was safe for me to take cold medicine so I went to Rite Aid and bought a pregnancy test to take the next morning. That night I was awake until some time around 4:00 in the morning because I was too sick to sleep and I was fed up so I went in the bathroom to take the pregnancy test, expecting it to be negative, so that I could take some medicine and go back to bed. Much to my surprise, it was positive! No doubt about it, two dark pink lines immediately materialized in the display window, and I was home alone will no one to share the news with! Art wouldn't get home from work for another few hours and can't answer his phone at work. I texted my mom and told her the good news. She called me and we talked for a while.

I was so excited I couldn't go back to bed and since I had some time to kill before Art got home I devised a clever way to tell him I'm pregnant. Neither of us had exchanged gifts on Valentine's Day since we were sick so I decided to give him a "late Valentine's present" and wrote him a card. It said "Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pregnant!" When he got home I told him I wrote him a card since I didn't buy him anything and he read the card with a puzzled look on his face. He looked at me and said, "You're pregnant???" I said, "YES! I'm PREGNANT!" and the excitement sank in for both of us.

I still can't picture myself changing diapers every day along with everything else that goes along with motherhood. In fact it is quite overwhelming to think about it, but I still have plenty of time to get used to the idea. For now I am concentrating on finding us a 2 bedroom apartment, devising a plan for me to be able to stay home with the baby, breaking the news to Bunny that he will have to co-inhabit the living room floor, and talking Art out of naming our daughter Juliet.

It is an exciting and stressful time, but I feel better every time I think of that little twinkling heart. I am so grateful God knows that the best gifts come in tiny packages and that He was kind enough to send one to me.