Concerns With Keira

Since Keira was born, I knew she was different than other kids. She has always been unable to hold still AT ALL and extremely stubborn, and has significant impulse control and transitional issues. Now I am 99.9% sure that Keira has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder runs in my family) and possibly ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) although she is a little to young to officially diagnose her. Honestly, I feel overwhelmed. Having grown up with a brother with ADHD I saw and know how much work it is to raise a child with that problem. It takes an outpouring of patience beyond what you think you can muster and they will always require more supervision and focused attention than a "normal" child. I know it's going to be very challenging to give equal attention to my girls and not make Keira feel like the "bad" one. Most days I feel like I am at my absolute limit of what I can handle as a mother, energy wise, patience wise, etc. Keira alone pushes me to the brink, and on top of that I have another baby to take care of. For these reasons, I am fairly certain that I don't want to have any more children. As much as I would love to, I know the limits of my capabilities, and I know the needs of my existing children and I don't want to put our family in the position that I can't give my kids what they need from me or put myself in a position that I am miserable because I have bitten off more than I can chew. I think about people who have like 10 kids and wonder how they can do it and think, well if they can do it I should be able too- right? But then logic kicks in and I know everyone is different, and everyone's kids are different. I literally can't take both girls in public without another adult to help or Keira will get herself lost or killed. She requires 100% attention in public and I can't give her 100% while I'm trying to take care of a baby too. I know Art really wants to try one more time for a boy, but he may just have to get used to being surrounded by girls.


In addition to the behavioral difficulties with Keira, I had a growing concern about her potty training. She showed a very early interest in using the toilet and by the time she was 2, she always pooped on the potty and always peed on the potty, but nearly never could keep her panties dry. I mean, for the past almost 2 years she has NEVER had a dry day. She would pee on the potty, but always had an area of dampness in her underwear. She easily wets up to 10 pairs of panties a day in this manner. A good day she may wet about 3 and that is extremely rare. She has also never been dry at night and goes to the bathroom quite frequently- as many as 14 times a day. She wears underwear during the day and pullups at night. For a long time I thought she must not be getting to the potty in time, and I would get mad at her for wetting her panties all day, but at some point I started to realize that she couldn't help it. She wanted to succeed, but couldn't. So a couple weeks ago, I asked her pediatrician about her potty habits again (last time I asked him was about a year ago and he believed her potty behavior to be habit and that she would get over it). This time he seemed concerned, particularly about the urinary leakage.

He referred us to the urology department at Children's Hospital and we took her to her appointment there this week. The news they told us was a little disconcerting. They told us she has what is called a neurogenic bladder- which is pretty much a bladder that isn't receiving the proper signals when it's full, how to empty completely, how often to go, how to hold in urine properly, etc. This could be caused by different things, so we have to do various testing to find out exactly what is going on with her. They scheduled a special x-ray of her bladder where they will give her anesthesia then insert a catheter into her bladder, inject a dye through the tube then x-ray her bladder to see it's shape, characteristics, and if any urine is backing up into the kidneys. They will also be doing an ultrasound of her kidneys. Then they will be doing an MRI of her brain and spinal column. The concern with her brain is how she is prone to fainting when she hits her head (she has even had a couple minor seizures when this has happened VERY SCARY!) and the concern with her spinal column is that when she was a baby, we found out she had a cyst on her lower spinal column that was causing her leg weakness. Since she started walking at 9 months old, we weren't worried about the cyst anymore and assumed it had gone away but now we are thinking that might not be the case since that cyst could also be causing her incontinence. If the cyst is still present, they will probably recommend that she have surgery to remove it- again SCARY! And there is no guarantee that it will solve her pee problems.

Needless to say, I am a nervous wreck. I can't wait for these tests to be done so we can get some answers about what's going on with her and I pray that we can fix her problems and that she won't live a lifetime with nervous system problems. I mean, what do we do when she starts kindergarten next year if she can't stay dry at school? I can't even fathom that, let alone the possibility of a lifetime of problems. I just want my little girl to be happy and healthy and as normal as possible. I am just overwhelmed with this situation and scared for her. Not to mention overwhelmed thinking about what kind of doctor bills we're going to be hit with since we have to pay 20% of all our medical bills. Not a good situation any way you look at it.

So, that's the honest truth about what's going on with Keira. I probably sound like a big complainer right now, so I'm going to try to redeem myself by saying Keira may be troublesome, but she is very bright, very funny, very loving, and a joy to have as a daughter. I couldn't possibly love her more. I just hope I have what it takes to be a good mom for her. Honestly, I feel underqualified at times.

I would certainly appreciate it if you could pray for Keira, pray for me, pray for our family every chance you get. We really need it right now. I will keep everyone informed as we get more information, which will probably be the beginning of September.