New Life

The Empty Easter Egg

Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy just irritated his teacher.

One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five year gap between his age and that of the other students." Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here."

Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying?

As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy. From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him."I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red. She stammered... "Wh-why that's very nice, Jeremy. N-now please take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?" "Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically... all except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.

The next egg contained a plastic butterfly which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."

Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly... "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."

Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then His Father raised Him up."

The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away. Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket... all of them empty.

Fishing

Oh... where to begin? My last post was just before my birthday so I will pick up the pieces from there. My birthday was very enjoyable, especially the cheesecake- I mean, especially my friends and family. Somehow I managed to have my camera with me the entire time and didn't take one picture. However, I took some adorable pictures of Keira the next day after church in a cute dress that Grandma bought her.









Keira's MRI was last Thursday. Knowing she would have to skip her morning bottle, I dressed her in her clothes containing to snaps or buttons the night before as to not disturb her more than necessary in the morning. Then when we got ready to go in the morning, I changed her diaper in the dark, very carefully, and without waking her, put her in her car seat and departed. I just have to mention the amazing fact that I then saw a skunk of all creatures running down the sidewalk by my apartments! It was crazy. So we got to Valley Children's Hospital about 6:30 and she started to wake up wondering where her breakfast was, but she was distracted enough by her strange new surroundings that she made very little complaint about her morning fast. In fact, she was playing with the nurses and smiling right up to her MRI.

They used a gas mask to put her to sleep, then put in a breathing tube and an IV. The scan was supposed to last about an hour and near the end, the technician came out and told us that they found a cyst on her spinal cord but that the cord itself didn't appear to be tied down abnormally low as in cases of tethered cord syndrome. He told us that they wanted to inject her with contrast dye to get better images of the cyst to save us from having to come back for a separate scan to investigate it.

When Keira woke up from the anesthesia, she was not a happy camper. The staff informed us that babies go through a strong neurological response when they come out of anesthesia that makes them freak out for a while. As soon as we got her in the car and started driving she calmed right down and was fine the rest of the day. Later that day when I was on my way home from work, I got a call from the pediatrician who had the results from the MRI already! I was amazed at how quickly they came in. He said that she doesn't appear to have actual tethered cord syndrome, but that she does have a cyst and possibly some connective tissue surrounding the cyst. He said NOT TO WORRY, that it is correctable. He put us in contact with UCSF, the children's hospital in San Francisco, and we made an appointment for April 27th to visit with a surgeon to discuss our options.

On another subject, I finally got an answer from my office as to whether I could work out a part time schedule and the answer in more or less words was, "Hell no." I told them I mentally/physically can't pull full time hours anymore and be a full time mom, so I have no choice but to find a part time job somewhere else. I started job searching this Monday and my prospects looked quite grim. With jobs being as scarce as they are, it is hard enough to get any job, let alone a part time mornings job in a field of my desire. I unenthusiastically applied for a few random jobs and attempted to wrap my head around the fact that likely I would not be able to find a job in law or real estate. Yesterday, the idea came to me that I should e-mail some local real estate companies and ask them if they have need of an hourly part time assistant. I really didn't expect to get any bites by fishing for jobs, but sure enough my phone rang that very afternoon. It was London Properties' recruiter who informed me that they have an agent in need of an assistant. I have an interview this afternoon at 4:30! I am hoping it will be a substantial hourly pay plus commission, but I'm not sure of the details yet.

It gets even better- right after I told my bosses, Gary and Liz, about my interview they told me that they heard from a girl named Becky who used to be a secretary at our firm long before I ever came along, who has been working part time for an attorney who also used to work here long ago. Becky is looking for a full time job, and since I need a part time job, it only makes sense that we could trade secretaries. So that is another opportunity in my line of work that emerged from the woods yesterday. I went from thinking it would take a year to get a job to thinking I'm going to have to make a decision this week!

Wish me luck at my interview today and keep praying for my little baby.

Twenty Three

My birthday is nearly upon us and I will be the ripe old age of twenty three. I always have grand and adventurous ideas of what I want to do for my birthday and usually just end up going out to dinner because I can't afford to leave town. So if I'm going to be stuck in town, I would rather be stuck with my friends and family than anyone else. Therefore...


We might even watch a movie at my house depending on how Keira feels by that time of the evening. She has been sick with a cold this week and by about 7:30 pm she gets pretty upset. It's especially awful hearing her cry since she is always so happy. I know she really doesn't feel good. Knowing my luck, or obvious lack thereof, I will probably have caught her cold by my birthday. In that case, the movie will certainly be out the window. We'll have to play it by ear.

Please let me know if you can make it to dinner so I can reserve your seat and if you can't make it to dinner, you're still welcome to drop in for cake!

A Taste of Success

I am beginning to understand exactly what motherhood does to your brain. A couple days ago, I was getting ready for work and somehow I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair when I took my shower. Of course I didn't realize the unfortunate state of my hair until it was too late to correct the situation. I had to spend an entire day with hair that felt like it had lotion smothered in it. I am generally a very negative person and tend to see the cup as half empty, but I tried to be positive and think of it as an involuntary deep conditioning.

My mom and I have been trying to get Keira to eat rice cereal and baby food and our attempts had all been unfruitful. She would not open her mouth for the spoon and would try to hit it away from her. I even tried giving her baby food bananas and still still wasn't having it. Yesterday my mom tried giving Keira some sweet potatoes and she tasted success at last! She loved those sweet potatoes. She smiled, laughed, and made raspberries the whole time. Her desire for sweet potatoes was so great that she kept grabbing my mom's hands to pull the spoon closer and even wrapped her monkey legs around my moms arm pull it in. Who would have guessed she would prefer veggies over fruit? She definitely didn't get that from me! My mom took a video and pictures of her enthusiastic enjoyment of sweet potatoes.

Yesterday was Keira's 5 month mark and I was way too tired and it was way too late to get her dressed up for pictures, but she was in desperate need of a bath after the mess she made with the sweet potatoes, so I gave her a bath and wrapped her up in the blanket my mom made her. See how curly her hair is when it's wet? I find myself tempted to put mousse in it.

"Baby"

Every day that Art and I have to work, my mom picks up Keira from my house. This is always a time of heartbreak for Art and a time of guilt for my mom. She feels bad every time she takes the baby, because it makes Art so sad. Sometimes when my mom arrives, Art decides Keira "needs her diaper changed" and slips into the bedroom where he drags his feet as much as possible to delay having to part with his beloved Baby.

To take the edge off the pain, Art has made use of a stuffed animal ladybug as a stand in. I come home for lunch whenever possible and have seen "Baby" tucked in the bassinet, cuddled up watching TV, laying on the Boppy pillow, and playing in the bouncer. Today when I came home for lunch, this is the scene I encountered.


This is "Baby" playing video games with Daddy. The funniest part about it is he doesn't stage the stuffed animal just to be silly- he does it because he seriously misses the baby and wants to be with her all the time.

What a lucky girl to have a daddy who has loved her so much since the day she was born. They are absolutely inseparable.

Maybe

6 days of misery and Art has finally had a fever-free night. What a blessing. He is still pretty sick but looking much better. I am totally shaken today after reading my friend Kari's blog about her husband's friend in the marines who died of meningitis after being misdiagnosed with an ear infection. That is exactly what Art was diagnosed with before he found out he had a nasty virus. I had researched the symptoms of meningitis since I knew it was going around and I asked him on a daily basis if he had any of the symptoms. It is absolutely frightening. If a baby gets it they will be brain dead in 6 hours and dead dead in 24 hours.

When I heard about this poor friend of a friend who left behind a wife and family, I couldn't help but think that could have happened to me. You just never know what tomorrow has in store and you never know when you might be called home. As hard as life is for me right now, I can't forget that I am blessed because I still have loved ones here today to share my life with. I am blessed with the knowledge that if I am faithful, God will provide for me.

Maybe I have to work too many hours, but at least I'm employed.

Maybe my house is too small for my needs, but I'm not in need of shelter.

Maybe my husband is deathly ill, but he is not dead.

Maybe Keira has an imperfection, but she is perfect and will be healed.

Maybe I feel alone, but God will never leave me alone.

Maybe I feel weak, but I am strong as stone.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost, count your many blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings every doubt will fly and you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold, think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold. Count your many blessings money cannot buy; your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small, do not be discouraged God is over all. Count your many blessings angels will attend. Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

104.7

My poor husband has been on his death bed with a nasty virus for the past 6 days. He has had a fever non-stop for the entire duration which has reached as high as 104.7 degrees which is just around the point of bodily injury and hospitalization. He has not moved from the couch except to pee for the whole week and has not had the strength to bathe in at least 2 days. He can only summon up enough energy to eat once a day, if I force him to. He is too sick to form sentences and take medicine by himself. He is not allowed to touch the baby, which is breaking his heart. He has never been this sick in his entire life. It's awful... truly awful.

I called Valley Childrens Hospital to get their pre-MRI instructions and they told me that Keira couldn't have a bottle after midnight, when the last person I talked to said nothing after 8 hours before her appointment which would have meant she could have a bottle at 4 am. I told them there is no way I am going to have her skip 3 bottles, so I rescheduled her appointment for their first morning appointment which isn't until April 2nd at 7:30 am, meaning we have to be there at 6:30 am. I'm seriously not a morning person, but I would much rather inconvenience myself than make her go without sustenance for over 12 hours. In a way, I am glad it was delayed because I was having a lot of panicky feelings about it and although I want to get answers to her problem, I wasn't ready to deal with it yet. This will give me a little more time to pray and wrap my head around everything.

Oh yeah, I got that "fancy pants" cell phone I told you about and I absolutely despise it with all my might, mind, and strength. I hate every molecule of its being. I should have known better than to get my hopes up about anything that runs with Microsoft Windows. This post is negative enough without explaining every detail of my remorse for buying this phone. Suffice it to say, I do not recommend the LG Incite to anyone but my worst enemies and will be returning it with great haste.

So now my stress list looks something like this-

1. Waiting for my boss Gary to talk to my boss Liz about me switching to part time, which has been complicated by the fact that Liz is in the midst of a massive project that requires all my time and then some and she would certainly say no to me working part time if asked in the middle of this project. Secondly, it is complicated by the fact that our office is moving in 2 weeks and all of the work that goes along with that. I am trying to give the appearance that I can easily take care of my workload every day, but I have my entire desk covered with projects, a 6 foot table set up in my office covered with projects, and a whole other desk covered with projects. They need a second me working here, not a half of me, and I really don't want to end up looking for a job right now and mentally/physically can't keep working full time and trying to be a mom too. Plus, my mom needs to get a real job and won't be able to watch Keira all day any more so I need to be home to watch her.

2. My husband's deathly illness and the fact that he is racking up "points" for missing work when he is supposed to be interviewing for PIC this month. If I am going to be working less, I need him to be making more.

3. Keira's suspected spinal cord defect and subsequent surgery and the costs and consequences relating thereto. I can't even begin to explain how scary this is to me.

4. Working with my attorney to draw up an offer for my orthodontist to sever my contract and walk away from the $1,000 that I owe them in agreement that I won't sue their pants off. First I have to find another orthodontist to finish my treatment and none of them will even give me a price without seeing me first. I can only make phone calls to orthodontists during business hours and I am too swamped at work to be making personal calls all day, let alone going to several evaluation appointments during business hours.

5. Moving out of my aggravatingly small apartment to one with a room for Keira and a WASHER AND DRYER. This will involve replacing the carpet and baseboards in my living room in hopes to retrieve our deposit instead of owing more.

6. Getting air conditioning installed in my car before it gets hot. Never again will I endure a Fresno summer in a black car with no AC. I don't know how I survived it, especially being pregnant.

7. Returning my POS cell phone and figuring out a different one that I want.

8. Giving Bunny some attention before he commits little bunny suicide. He is already injuring himself by hurling his tiny mass against the front of the cage.

9. Getting a handle on the mountain of laundry and rampant mess in my house and getting dinner on the table every day.

10. My health. I am scared to death that I will get the virus that Art has... or that the baby will. Ever since late in my pregnancy I have had a single vertebra in my lower back that is super painful to the touch and hurts when I bend forward. I really need to find time to go to the doctor and investigate it, but haven't had the time. I'm a little freaked out because the closest thing to what I have that I researched online is spinal fractures- although that's probably not what it is. It's probably just out of alignment. Also my OBGYN has been blowing up my phone for me to come in for another procedure and I don't have the time for that either.

11. Spoon feeding. I feel like a horrible mother because I am supposed to be spoon feeding Keira twice a day and the thought of adding one more thing on my to-do list of things that I already can't accomplish is overwhelming beyond description. I hate that I am so overloaded that I can't even do what's necessary for my own baby.

I am still struggling desperately under the weight of all this stress. I feel this crazy tight feeling in my chest like I can't breathe. Every day I come home and cry because I know I don't have the time, energy, or ability to do everything required of me in the 2.5-3 hour window alloted- most of which is consumed by taking care of Keira. And now, instead of Art being able to help, I have to take care of him too. I constantly have crazy thoughts running through my head like I can't do this. I'm failing. What am I going to do? I am trying my best to corral those thoughts and count my blessings, but I haven't had much success yet. If my stress level was converted into a fever, I'd be running about 104.7 too.