Trading Murders

I am absolutely fit to be tied! Last week, my orthodontist's office accidentally charged MY debit card for someone else's payment in the amount of FOUR HUNDRED AND NINETEEN DOLLARS. I called on Friday to talk to them about it and their office was closed for the weekend! They called me on Monday repeatedly apologizing for the error and told me they would credit my money back and here it is Wednesday and there is no trace of that money coming back to my account. I called and pitched a fit, but they do not seem to be grasping the fact that I NEED MY MONEY BACK NOW. All of my end of the month bills are past due, I need to go grocery shopping like nobody's business, and my account is overdrawn.

So I called up my mom to rant about it and she tells me what kind of trouble she has been having with her neighbors. Their big ol' dog knocked down her fence and has been terrorizing her back yard, causing her pets to be too afraid to set paw in the back yard, thus causing them to relieve themselves in the house. Her property management company won't fix the fence because it is a shared fence and the cost will have to be split between them and the owners of the other house. The tenants of the other house are teenage boys who will not accept responsibility for their dog nor the fence and won't give up the information for their landlord because it is a family member. No one seems to be grasping the fact that SHE NEEDS HER FENCE FIXED NOW.

We did a little thinking and decided it would be a good idea for us to trade murders so that they can't link us to the killings. She can go postal on my orthodontist's office, and I can go massacre the neighbors and their dog. I'm telling you... my friend Robyn has a chiropractor who says there is a vertebrae or something that goes out of alignment and makes you "want to kill people" and I am sure mine is out of whack. Keep your distance... I'm dangerous.

***DISCLAIMER: If my mom's neighbors or anyone at the orthodontist's office goes missing or turns up dead it is purely coincidental and is in no way connected to me or my mom, as this story was written in jest.***